Hope you had a relaxing, satisfying holiday... and are not caught up in the post-Thanksgiving shopping madness!  I just don't understand the shoppers who have to rush & push & stand in line to get sales... is it really that good of a deal? Is the stress & frustration that worth it to get a few dollars off something you probly don't need? Or maybe they rationalize that all the stuff they buy for others for Xmas is worth that frustration and stress.  Do they think of themselves as martyrs? As "better than"? Weird.

WOW:  Spend your precious time with people you like & love, doing things you like & love.

Love & Light to you...

Namaste', Enna

Hi... not as many ppl post anymore... maybe, like me, ppl are taking a break frm Xanga, doing other things, nesting, cooking, sleeping... Tis that season of slowing down, turning inward, contemplating whatever...

Not much going on in my life, which I guess is good... sometimes I think I'm still finding out what "normal" is, though I also think "normal" is boring... and I hate being bored, so logically then I hate normal.  Unless normal is something I have yet to experience...  All I know, is right now Life is boring, I feel tired and apathetic most of the time... Is this really all Life is? Where's the joy? Where's the excitement? Or is joy and excitement small bits of stuff that happen occasionally? so that brings me back to the question: Is this really all Life is?  If so, how do you get used to blahness? 

WOW:  Make the most of each day, whether blah or exciting...

Love & Light, Enna

Hi, I'm not dead, I'm not avoiding, I've been away.  Isn't it interesting that we feel "defensive" most of the time?  I envy, in a way, those ppl who fearlessly live Life w/o appearing to care about the consequences.  My hubby, RB, has told me that I live w/o considering consequences, but he's not looking @ the whole picture.  I like to shop, but what he doesn't know is that the items I buy have been "in my head" for a while.  I'm always looking around @ stuff, whether for me, someone else, the house, etc., so I have ideas & pics of the stuff that would be "just right".  so when I find that item, or those things, I'll buy it/them -- but it looks "impulsive"/"without consequence" to him.  Oh, & the fact that if I don't have the cash right then, I'll charge it, bugs him a lot.  But it doesn't bug me.  so we have fights about that.  But.... back to what I was first saying:  I wish I could truly live w/o worrying about consequences.  Using my hubby for comparison, again, he worries ALL THE TIME about consequences, which isn't right either.  He lives a very careful, structured existence which has worked for him.  But it's not right for me!  I always feel deprived & confined w/in his system, which he does not understand.  So there must be a happy medium, which I  have not found.  I can't speak for RB, b/c he's happy w/ his system; I think he's absolutely frustrated that the rest of the ppl he interacts with don't agree w/ his system, or in my case since I live w/ him, FIGHT his system.  So back to the title of this post, that's why (or at least one HUGE reason why) I'm soul-tired.  cuz I'm always fighting.  And a person can only take so much fighting.  Is that why I'm sick right now? I wonder.  I'm on day 6 of antibiotics for a sinus infection, so I'm on the mend.  But I can't help but wonder if my immune system is weak b/c of the continual fighting I'm doing.  I fight & adovacte for the patients & residents where I work; then I come home & fight & advocate for my belief system.  It is exhausting.  I'm always on the defensive.  I need help.

WOW:  Get introspective to figure out where you're at.  Recognition & acknowledgment is the first key.  Then work on what to do, w/o beating yourself up or setting too-high standards (which always set you up for failure), or setting unrealistic timeframes.

~~Love & Light~~

Namaste',
Enna

Rileigh & Taylor entered the world this past Weds. @ approx. 7:30 a.m.  Rileigh weighed in @ 5 lb. 1 oz. & her sister, Taylor was 4 lb. 5 oz.  We were there anxiously waiting & I got to see the babies up close & personal around 9 a.m. when they were in their incubators (or whatever they call them - they're heated bassinet things).  Mom Lesley did great (no C-sec! -- she deserves a medal!) & Dad Andy looked awestruck & a bit in shock... We're going over there in a couple hours; made some lasagna for their first dinner home.  I thought they were leaving the hospital yesterday, but they just got home a little bit ago with both babies -- they originally thought Taylor would have to stay longer to get her weight up.  So maybe she did; I suppose she could have gained 7 oz. in 3 1/2 days... oh well, enough baby talk for now... I'll go finish my book.

W.O.W.:  Enjoy the miracles of Life that are all around you:  babies, puppies, kittens, sunshine, blue sky, not having to work on the weekend, & whatever else fills you with wonder & happiness.

Love & Light to you who wander this way,

Enna

No babies yet, but I saw the dr. this a.m. & he said the bone is healing good enough to not wear the walkin-cast-boot anymore!  Yeah! and I am driving again!! Double yeah!! I feel like a prisoner who has been released... kept grinning all day!  I hope I never forget this experience b/c I never want to take my freedom for granted - ever!  I still have to be careful, and the dr. is recommending that I get a "lace-up brace" which looks very similar to a gator that you'd wear for hunting or winter sports, but with the heel and toes exposed, so you can step into it, then lace it up; plus it has crossover velcro straps.  So I might buy one of those to use; however I have a number of pairs of boots, plus some ankle-type shoes that also do the trick (of protecting my ankle).  What I've found is how my muscles are protesting b/c they have not been used for 87 days... so time to put my feet up - literally - and continue enjoying the weekend.

I lost my bet.  I had bet both RB & J2 that the twins would be born by end of Sept.  They are taking their time, just like Amberlyn did!  more stubborn girl-babies! or I shouldn't say stubborn... they're going to be born when they're supposed to.  period.  however the dr. told Lesly the twins will be born c-section if she hasn't gone into labor by mid-Oct; she's officially due Oct. 29, so I'm sure she'll be very glad for a c-section!  talk about an exercise in patience, though.... she is such a "go-getter" type person, to be told that she cannot work @ 5 months pg, and really not do much of anything til those babies are born.  so she had to go from working most nights as a waitress, & going to school, to sitting @ home watching TV, reading books, & occasionally going out where - whoopee! - she gets to sit some more, just in a different environment!  at least she's got a beautiful reason (actually 2 beautiful reasons!) to do that.  Then let's segue' to me.  I too have been "sitting" b/c of my stupid, not-beautiful, broken leg.  The bone isn't healing as fast as what the dr. expected, so for the last month I've REALLY babied it, basically confining myself to my office most of the day, asking others to do my 'running' for me... and I'm not that active of a person, either.... I mean, I never exercised regularly or anthing, & my job isn't a physical one @ all (no heavy lifting/moving), but not being able to walk the length of a building, or walk the length of a parking lot, or decide to go to the store for the whatever-it-was that we don't have... I haven't been to a grocery store since early July! and I truly can't remember the last time I was in a mall... or went to the movies... or vacuumed the house... Probly sounds decadent in a way, huh? to just lay around?  GOD, I FUCKING HATE IT!  Moderation really is the key to good balance... I see the dr. Fri. a.m., & if he tells me my bone is still not healing, either I'm going to burst into swearing or tears! or both @ the same time!  my mental health is @ risk here... I know I feel like a mini-timebomb for more than just my broken leg, though.  RB & I have been fighting/not doing well since just before my leg broke, so it feels like my emotions are festering... wish there was a good antibiotic for that!  And having sold my house has taken away my "escape" - which I guess is a good thing, b/c now it's not so easy to run away when things are bad... although if it really got bad I'd just take off my walking cast, get in my car, and drive to a hotel somewhere.  So I'm not TRULY trapped.  Which is good.  But I don't know what to do about RB & me.  I found a couples' support group to attend & his response was "that won't help."  three words w/ no explanation.  I don't feel up to fighting tonight so I haven't asked him to explain those three words.  perhaps tomorrow night if I'm up to it.  main thing to do is to heal the leg so I can then concentrate on other healing.  although in a marriage, it takes two to make it heal.  I need to be strong to tackle that.  Geez, what a bunch of shit!  I really hate my life right now, & I need to change it.  God(dess) help me!!!!

WOW:  Breathe deep.  Trust yourself.  Heal yourself.  Live a Good Life.

Namaste', Enna

Amberlyn joined the world @ 8:30pm Tues. night (9/18)... she decided to take her sweet time (her mom was in labor since about 4a.m. when her water broke), then decided to get her "kicks" by doing a somersault & presenting her butt!  so my dear niece ended up having emerg. Csec... can't help but laugh cuz my niece has a daughter just like herself! nothing passive about the ladies in my family!  screwed up, yes, but nothing some therapy & lots of hugs & laughter can't fix...

closing on my Paradise today... hope I won't cry too much... been very tense & stressful w/ RB these past days so am feeling very ambivalent about selling... I hope a year frm. now I'll look back & realize why this needs to be...

...& that segues into musing about how Life works... would we walk in faith (to call it something, nothing religious implied) if we knew the outcomes? would we learn less for it?  I must believe that I am a stronger person for "letting go" & venturing down a path guided by my inner Light... if I lose that, I lose me...

 WOW:  Trust your inner Light, listen to your Being, & you *will* be guided to the right paths in Life!

Love, Light & Laughter to you who are guided here...

Namaste', Enna

Haven't posted in a while... not much to write about, 'cept I've sold my Paradise (my house I bought 4 yrs ago when I separated frm RB).  Great ppl are buying it land contract, the guy, Mike, loves the place like I do so I know Paradise is going to the right owners... who knows? maybe I'll buy it back frm him some day! in fact, I should write that in the land contract, that if they want to sell out of the deal w/in the next 5yrs, that I get 1st dibs on buying it back!  Cuz I'll have the $ pd back to RB in 3 yrs, then I'd be able to afford the mortgage on my house again... Or... maybe I'll find another, BETTER Paradis! can't imagine it now, but 4 yrs ago I never dreamed I'd have a piece of Paradise!

Still no babies!  If you've been reading my other posts you know I'm expecting a greatniece, Amberlyn, and 2 granddaughters Taylor & Ryleigh... I've got a bet going w/ RB & J2 that the twins will be here in September, NOT October since their mom has already been to the hospital twice w/ false labor...

TTFN... I've been playing a relatively old PC game Myst, & I'm somewhat hooked... still one of the most beautiful games I've ever seen...

WOW:  Stay true to yourself, no matter what.

Love & Light,  Enna

I've been off Paxil for a week -- experimenting again to see if I really need to take it... what's been interesting is that it was unintentional, b/c my prescrip ran out & by the time the dr's office called it in I had been w/o it for 2 days... so I thought hmmm, I wonder... so deliberately have not picked up the prescription... It's nice to have my libido back    ...however I've been xtra weepy & angry too... but the main reason I was on the Paxil was for panic attacks, of which I had just a mini one about a week ago (interestingly enough when I still had the Paxil in my system - go figure!) -- At this point I am not going to make an effort to pick up the prescription -- I'll wait 'til I'm driving again, which will be around the end of September...

... which segues into the fact that I'm still in my fucking wheelchair! I saw the dr yesterday & was informed that my bones are not healing as fast as anticipated... Most bones heal w/in 6 wks, but  he said to go an extra week, which will make it Tues. 8/21... no explanation for my slower healing, though his 1st question was if I smoked (cuz that slows down your body's capacity for healing), & I told him haven't done that in a very long time... so of course RB thinks it's because I've been "cheating" a bit & walking a tiny bit now & then on that foot... but the dr said wait thru Tues., then he'll let me start walking short distances on Wed.8/22, but still wearing this boot-thing I've been wearing since July 9... then I see him again on Sep. 7 to see how the healing's coming along... then probly another 3 wks (Sept. 28) which will be 12 wks. 3 days from when I broke my leg (July 3), & that is now my target date for getting rid of the boot-thing, wearing a shoe (!yeah!), and DRIVING AGAIN!!!

... AND, I'll be a great-aunt (niece's daughter , Amberlyn, is due 9/9), AND I'll probly be a gramma by then too!! (step-son's twin girls Tyler & Rayleigh due 10/29 but expected to arrive end of Sep.)... so I absolutely MUST be all better/healed by then...

...Please send LOTS of Strength my way to heal fast & well, and for those 3 little girls to arrive in this World healthy & strong...

WOW:  May you be surrounded with Strength, Power, Love & Light as you journey thru this day...

~~Namaste', Enna

Hi there... I've been spending lotsa time lately on last.fm (my radio station is named wysewomyn) where I've got some new friends... ck out this link:  http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2035702851  -- I think it's fucking amazing!! my brain hasn't been sparked like that in a LONG time!!  tell me what you think, OK? 

I see the dr Fri - I'm anticipating that my leg is healed well enough so I'll be able to walk!! yeah!! albeit in my walking-boot thing for another 4 wks... but to not have to use the wheelchair or crutches anymore is GREAT!!

It's feeling Fall-ish... even though it's Summer weather during the day, it's cooler @ night... Michigan weather is great that way... inevitablity (sigh) of the seasonal changes... I wish, just once!, it could be Summer year-round, w/o the obvious problems that would effect the plants, etc... I live in such a fantasy world some times! Much better than reality... I wonder if having Alzheimers would be like that??? then it wouldn't be so bad... but for my loved ones it would be (big sigh)...

WOW:  Say "I love you" to someone -- right now! You'll be glad you did...

Love & Light, Enna