You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I am so thankful for and grateful to my friends, not only those I see, but also my Xangan friends!  If I didn't have strong support, Life would be extremely difficult; so Thank You!  and Bless You! ~ Love and Light, not only to those who find their way here, but to my friends and loved ones... Namaste', Enna

WOW:  "May the Lord and Lady bless you and sustain you and keep you from those who would harm you."

I saw a "60's Music" PBS special (DVD) last weekend -- wow!  I've always wanted to be about 10 years older b/c the 60's were so much more "everything" than the '70's - the music is definitely one reason why... 

At any rate, there's this line:  "How can people be so heartless, how can people be so cruel?  Easy..." (can't remember who did the song though). My younger son broke my heart last night by assuming I did something, getting furious @ me, & accusing me.  His girlfriend & I figured out what happened (typical misinformation from 3rd parties combined w/ miscommunication b/w her & my son).  It always hurts more when the awful words/rage/behavior come from someone you love...

And now I have to find new renters for my house b/c the kids are moving out; they found another, much cheaper house to live in, plus they rescued a dog & snuck it home & didn't tell me, so when I found out I told them they needed to find another home for the dog; so I find out yesterday(part of the prob from 2nd paragraph above) they're going to move in December or January.  Just fucking great.  that house & property is such a big part of me that it aches to think about selling... but I don't see other options if I can't get serious renters...

So I send this out to the Universe:  I ask for Strength, Power, Wysdom & Love to show me what to do, and ask for the Grace to handle whatever comes my way... and I ask for blessings and protection for my loved ones, and guidance to their greatest good...

WOW:  "Speak your truth quietly and clearly" - excerpt from The Desiderata

72 "Random Questions"

What is your middle name?

Loreen

[2] What color is your mailbox?

black

[3] If you were invited to go on a Radio or TV talk show, would you go?

depends on the show

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?

yes - crumpled front quarterpanel -- didn't scare me, just startled me... I was worried abut the deer...

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?

no

[6] Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning?

no

[7] Who checks the mail in your house?

whoever brings it in

[8] Do you have a small driveway?

no - average

[9] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?

no

[10] What do you do first in the morning?

pee

[11] What brand is your printer?

Lexmark

[12] Do you enjoy fighting with people?

not at all!!

[13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?

wavy

[14] Who was your kindergarten teacher?

Miss Glad.... (something)

(what happened to #15??)

[16] Are you taller than your mother?

yup - 2 inches I think

[17] Do you have a favorite word?

fuck... (noun, verb, adjective -- an all-encompassing word)

[18] What color are your bedroom walls?

"Parchment" (soft ivory) - my favorite paint color

[19] What do you do to get over a bad mood?

need much alone time to process stuff; alcohol and/or chocolate helps

[20] Do you have a deep dark secret?

yup

[21] Do you know anyone who never rode a bike?

if bike means motorcycle, then yes; if bike means bicycle, no

[22] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?

yes

[23] Does anything hurt on your body right now?

no

[24] Do you often cry during a movie?

not often - only if it hits a "trigger"

[25] Do you hate your life?

no

[26] Do you get mad easily?

mad is a relative term - the way I define it, no; I get easily stressed-out/overwhelemed/irritated

[27] Do you drink?

yes - favorite beverage is Martini Asti Spumante - really cold

[28] What is your biggest pet peeve?

miscommunication

[29]What is your away message?

default AIM:  "...lights on, nobody's home..."

[30] Do any of your friends have kids?

yes

[31]What year was your house built?

MY house, 1932; house I'm living in w/ RB, 1990

[32] Who should pay the bill on the first date?

the person who does the asking-out

[33] How many years older than you are you willing to date?

age wasn't much of a consideration; biggest age difference was 16

[34] Do you have any friends? Do you have any enemies?

yes; don't know

[35] Do you have any mean friends?

that's an oxymoron - NO

[36] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?

rage

[37] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?

yes

[38] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?

no

[39] Have you ever been fired from a job?

yes

[40] Do you scratch your ear?

when it itches

[41] When was the last time you slept in someone else's bed?

couple weeks ago slept on my bed (in one of the spare bedrooms) cuz RB couldn't stop snoring

[42] What brand are the pants/jeans you're wearing right now?

Route66

[43] How tall are you?

5'4"

[44] What is the closest green object?

empty wine bottle

[45] What is on your feet?

skin

[46] Do you like watermelon?

yes

[47] Do you always wear underwear?

no

[48] Do you want to have kids?

have 2 bio, many "adopted" (I love my kids' friends!)

[49] What is the brightest color you're wearing?

red

[50] Who is a friend you have that you would never have expected to have gotten to know?

I don't have casual friends, so all my friends are deliberate

[51] Do you know how to draw?

yes, simply

[52] What's your mother's middle name?

Joan

[53] Stupidest movie you ever saw?

the few minutes of Napoleon Dynamite I saw, then I had to leave the room...

[54] Do you collect comic books?

No

[55] Do you like your dad?

no

[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?

yes:  Buffy Vampire Slayer; My SoCalled Life, The Prisoner

[57] Are you wearing makeup?

no

[58] Do you have a tattoo?

no

[59] What is the temperature in your house right now?

70

[60] You win the lottery. You:

immediately quit my job, invest enough to live on, get a decent car to drive, fix up my house & do major landscaping, finish my degree(s)

[61] How many pairs of underwear do you have:

a lot - haven't counted them

[61] Do you have any piercings, and where? (there are two 61s. This is where 15 went!)

2 in each ear; 1 in belly button

[62] Is there something you want to tell someone but you dont know how?

yeah

[63] Who is your hero?

don't have one

[64] Who'd you last IM?

Rose

[65.] Do you work a lot of hours?

not usually

[66] What do you do when you are stressed out?

consume great quantities of chocolate, drink favorite beverages, eat comfort food, sleep

[67] Who was the last person that called you?

Justin

[68] Is there anything you regret?

yes

[69] Do you know where your family name originated from?

yes

[70] Is there an animal that creeps you out?

no

[71] What was the last thing you did for fun?

watched DVD

[72] Last time you cried?

several months, at least (very difficult for me to cry)

 

The weather is beautiful here in western Michigan!  57 degrees yesterday -- amazing!  felt wonderful...  I hope everyone had a thankful day yesterday... and I hope you're avoiding the madness of "Black Friday" shopping today - where did that nickname come from anyway??  probly a retailer's wet-dream...

Work is slightly better, only b/c I'm waiting out the 60-day "action plan" - "NOT probation" - yeah right... if it smells like a rose, and feels like a rose, it's a rose...

I've been going thru this "boredom" thing - it's like feeling jaded about everything, and nothing really stimulates me... not depression, I know too intimately what THAT is!... this is like it says in Ecclesiastes somewhere "...chasing after wind..." - nothing has rocked my world in a long time... Am I expecting too much out of Life?  Some days I feel content, but they're rare... Mainly it's this not-really-apathy, just a feeling of seen-it-all, done-it-all, heard-it-all, is there anything anywhere that can make me sit up and take an interest?

WOW:  May your days be sweet, may your nights be calm, may you have strength in any storm.

Love and Light to my fellow travellers...

Namaste', Enna

 

...that's how I feel, like I've been wounded after a long fight, and now there's a quiet time before the next battle... and I'm "licking my wounds" and trying to heal, but not knowing when I'm going to have to jump up and fight again.

Yesterday I sat down w/ boss & she presented the "new" P.A. (see previous post).  Slightly better, the final score was higher, the word "probation" was gone; however, there's a "60-day action plan that can be extended if necessary" -- excuse me, but doesn't that sound like probation?? just worded differently of course... And the comments by each section struck deep this time; or maybe it's just because my emotional skin has been filleted so much over the past 10 days that reading those words again made me "bleed"... I need to cry, I can feel the tears swimming in my eyes, but I cannot lose control right now; I hate crying anyway (leftover crap from growing up), but I know from experience I'll feel better once it's over.  I just need time away from RB when I can do this totally alone, and recover on my own.  This is one of the curses of being a HSP; we feel things much more than the "average" person... I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out 'til the Spring (sigh) but I can't, so I force myself to go through the motions, and I just hope and pray that RB can be patient with me; b/c I don't know how long this is going to last.  Whatever "lesson" I'm going through has to work it's course, and I have to trust that I'll be shown what to do and where to go; and that is SO HARD for me!! I feel as if I have failed, and that is such a horrible feeling... It's taking a lot of mental energy to not succumb to those "bad tapes" playing in my head.

Please send much White Light, Energy, Strength, Power, Love, and Wysdom my way... I can't do it alone this time..

WOW:  Learn to acknowledge when it's time to concede... then use the time to inwardly heal and strengthen yourself while you're jumping through their hoops...

Love and Light to my enemies also - may they be shown the error of their ways and redeem themselves...

Namaste', Enna

Let's see...

• have confronted FB-1 re: issues w/ FB-2 & how this has influenced my performance appraisal (PA), & confronted her about the overall "bad" PA she gave me;


• have filed "warning" in HR against FB-2, & questioning management capabilities of FB-1;


• have "won" initial round; FB-1 is going to re-write my PA.

I hate fighting!  I fight when I have to, but it leaves me mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I've reached the conclusion that my time w/ this employer is @ an end, so I'm going to diligently seek another job.  I have to work 7 1/2 years yet (will be retiring w/ RB), so I need a job that pays the same or more, has good benefits (though I could get them thru RB), and motivates me...

Wish me luck!  Lots of it!  It's scary, yet an undercurrent of excitement is there... A new beginning of sorts.

Other than work shit:  have lost 5 1/4 pounds (yeah!); have re-covered my antique piano bench & will be making matching pillows; will be making pillows for 2 chair-&-a-halfs as well; have "skim-read" interesting book on trusting intuition & fear to protect yourself from violence ("The Gift of Fear: and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence" - Gavin DeBecker); am being "hit over the head" w/ circumstances in which I must give up control, & trust that God/dess will guide - not only the work thing, but some money stuff, and finding another renter for my house (one of the four kids left)...

...and the beat goes on...

WOW:  May Love and Light guide and protect you this day and always.

Namaste', Enna

 

Welcome... I'm frustrated because:  1) I need a new car, we went looking & discovered there's hardly anything out there in our price range w/ low mileage, or that doesn't need repair of some type; so RB says my car needs to make it 'til March when he'll have more liquid cash, then we can look for a better car w/ lower mileage (sigh); 2) I have realized @ work that I really want to work w/ a particular program there, but I don't have the degree - & if I want to work with the State Office, I need a degree; 3) so I finally am really "pumped" to go back to school & finish my degree, but it's so damn expensive!  it'll cost $15 to $20 K (excluding books) to finish my BA/BS.  So I went searching for scholarships & became frustrated b/c I don't fit enough of the distinct categories.  If I was an Eskimo, enrolled FT in a 4-year school, and willing to devote 10 weeks to an Internship, I could get upwards of $50,000 (that's several scholarships); 4) I can't get what I want when I want - yes this sounds childish, but all of us still have our ID, ya know!

So... I'm also feeling overwhelmed cuz I have a State report due by 10/31; there's 10 investigative-type reports I really should have done by 10/31; there's only 40 work hours a week; I'm not always manically-fast each workday; I'll have to work OT next week to get all this done; I'm "itching" to find my sewing-machine (somewhere in the shed @ my other house) & make pillows from this gorgeous upholstery fabric I found, & re-upholster my antique piano bench (@ my other house), and I could easily spend all day over there (my other house), but RB needs quality time w/ me, so I don't want to bring up the fact that I'd rather be @ my other house today than w/ him (b/c we've had horrible fights in the distant past about his perceiption of not enough time w/me)...

So... I have vented, I feel somewhat better for getting it out, I'll see how the weekend unfolds.

WOW:  Be true to yourself -- without harming others.

 

May Love and Light surround you and bless you...

Namaste', Enna

this month went way too fast - but I say that every month so I don't really know why it bugs me... although just writing that made it occur to me that I get so focused (too focused?) on what I'm doing that Time zips by, so when I eventually notice what day it is, it takes me by surprise...

so with that said, how are you doing? the You who's reading this, no one in particular... I'm interested in what ppl think, and why...

for you ladies reading this, if you love purses/handbags like I do, I've recently discovered Kathy VanZeeland's work, and it is FANTASTIC!!  I love functional art of every kind, and her stuff is so good!  not your "typical" stuff... and speaking of functional art, my favorite jewelry "artists" are Patricia Locke and Trisha Waldron...

i start WeightWatchers on Tues. (sigh) - i've not ever had to do something like this before to lose weight, and part of me feels sheepish/stupid? for not being able to lose the weight on my own... just another concession to older-age I've finally admitted to myself...

god I hate growing old!  when i was younger, i figured i'd age gracefully, but man, i am fighting it!  i hate that my body has "betrayed" me, that my mind isn't as sharp as it used to be (still sharp, but used to be way sharper!), that my libido is down, my energy level is down (but maybe that's related to the xtra weight)...

but I remind myself that I am alive, healthy, in good spirits (literally & figuratively!), and live in the US of A (which has its problems BUT consider living elsewhere & I hope you get my drift), and have a strong, loving network of ppl in my life...

On that particular musing, I take my leave for now...

WOW:  May the Strength of the Universe, the Power of the Spirits, the Wisdom of the Ages, and the Love of All be with you today and each day of your journey...

Namaste', Enna

 

We went up North (Michigan) Saturday through Tuesday -- it was a slice of heaven!  Instead of being cloudy & cool, it was perfect weather:  fairly low humidity, in the high 70's, cool @ night.  So... back to reality (sigh)...  RB & I are doing well again - he gets in a funk now & then, as do I... I've paid "special attention" to him & he's feeling better... To change the subject:  I wish there was some way that I could reach out & touch all the "walking wounded"... I recently read a couple posts that really affected me, b/c of the issues involved, and it's almost an agonizing-knowing that I have, b/c I remember the pain when I walked a similar path... And I know the only solution is to face everything head-on, and "walk thru the Lake of Fire", and come out the other side painfully clean and whole...

WOW (Wyrds of Wysdom for those of you new, & those forgetful! - lol):  May Love and Light surround you and keep you, may Strength and Power infuse and inspire you.

Namaste', Enna