• leg is getting better:  I see the ortho-doc 8/17, @ which point if bones have healed well enough, he'll let me walk wearing this boot-device that looks like a combo ski-boot/Startrooper's boot;


• youngest son moved home for a yr to pay off bills & finish 2nd yr college;


• almost sold my house:  buyer is motivated but decided not to go w/ a finance co. who was charging way too much for closing costs - so buyer is trying to find new mortgager, or we are exploring how land contracts work;


• back-to-school stuff being advertised always depresses me cuz it signals end of Summer (sigh);


• Harry Potter # 7 was great!  I was satisfied w/ the way JKR wrapped up the story;

WOW:  Make the most out of each day.

Love and Light to my fellow travelers - Namaste', Enna

I'm doing much better!  I've got the cast off my leg & am wearing a "boot" that's fully adjustable via velcro straps - makes me look like a Startrooper in a way.  The doc says not to put weight on my foot/leg for a month yet, so I still have to use the wheelchair and crutches for that time.  On 8/17/07 I see him again, & if everything's looking good, then I'll be allowed to walk with the boot - for a month.  so it'll be the end of Sept. before I'm walking & driving.

Other than that, we saw Robert Cray this past Thurs. night - great blues artist!  We saw him in an outdoor amphitheatre-type setting where you can bring lawnchairs & food, & buy wine & beer.  Very good!

Well, I've got the Harry Potter book to dive into...

WOW:  Life is short -- live it the best you can each day.

Love & Light, Enna

I am being forced to be a lot less active than I used to be, which is ironic b/c I'm not that active of a person to begin with, but the difference is that I am not as mobile as I used to be - I just can't get up & wander into another room, or down a flight of stairs to the rec room/bar, or up a flight of stairs to the bedroom... Life has slowed down, become more deliberate, everything has to be planned... I don't like that, I don't want to plan everything! My independence has gone out the window, & this depresses me... Every now & then I'm able to glimpse the "bright side" of what I'm going through (i.e. that it's not a worse break, that it's Summer rather than Winter for this to happen, that RB is around to help), but just sitting/laying around makes me feel so fucking helpless!! And I've got @ least 5 more weeks of this!!  How am I supposed to make it thru an 8 hr workday? I'm falling asleep after being awake since 5 a.m., after waking up every 3 hrs - which I've been doing since I broke my leg... Help!  Need some advice &wysdom....

WOW:  I don't feel very wyse right now, just small & helpless & weak... maybe that's the lesson... who knows?

May Love & Light surround you and bless you during your strong times, and during your weak times...

Namaste', Enna

Newest adventure:  I broke my leg Tues. night (7/3/07) playing frisbee - landed in a mole hole & heard "snap, snap".... so we spent the Holiday in the ER getting my leg ck'd out, xrays & a splint... saw the ortho ppl yesterday & was told I needed surgery to put a pin in (fractured fibula)... surgery is scheduled for Mon. aft., so we can't leave on vacation today... we're actually planning to still go Up North Tues. early a.m. so @ least we'll have 4 days of lake-time...

I have a new appreciation for my body due to this fracture; never really had something like this before.  Had a hairline fracture in my ankle about 25 yrs ago, but that does not compare to this!  What I hate the most - well, the pain is the most-hated! - so what I hate the 2nd most is how dependent on RB I am!  don't like it! am way too independent... but I'm learning that it's OK to ask for help/expect help/actually believe I deserve help!.. every supposedly-bad event can be a lesson if we open ourselves up & allow it... so I'm hoping to exorcise some ancient demons relative to dependence...

WOW:  Allow yourself to accept what Life hands you, then deal with it the best you can; & remember, acceptance does not mean you necessarily like it, just that you can look at it objectively...

Love & Light & Lessons to you who travel here!

Namaste', Enna

I've been busy w/ work, RB, vacation, and reading... plus a stupid sinus infection that makes me crash practically as soon as I get home from work... What I need to do is develop better habits so that I build Xanga time into my day... but it's like I put my brain on hold when I walk thru the door @ the end of the work day, & I just want to rest!  I feel more than ready to retire these days -- it's like work interrupts Life!  how annoying! (lol)... 6 yrs & 9 months to retirement, though! RB's got it figured out how I can retire when he does (he's 9 yrs older)... yea!!!

And another yea - I'm going to a Tool concert this Thurs. night w/ my youngest kid & his (I think) still-girlfriend!! If you don't know Tool, ck. them out -- kind of like heavy metal meets Pink Floyd... very good!   - I suggested it as a bday present for me, & he wowed me by buying a ticket! what fun!  I'll probly be the oldest person there... oh well, WTF, right?!

At the moment, Life feels good, although I'm always too tired lately (could be the chronic sinusitis along w/ the xtra 20 pounds I'm packing)... I am NOT looking forward to seeing my dr in October cuz I'm thinking I've got some weird disease or something that she'll tell me about... I tend to ignore probs, so I am forcing myself to be proactive & face what I don't want to do (sigh)...

WOW:  Carpe' Diem

Love & Light to you who read these words... may you be blessed in all you do

~~ Namaste', Enna

"hi...how am I doing? blah, blah, and more blah... LOL... I feel rather jaded with too much lately... plus I feel FAT & it's not fair that the older we get the slower our metabolism gets... any tricks for (legally) hyping up metabolism? and killing the psychological craving to munch?..."

...my response to a Xangan friend inspired this post... I've been low energy, low desire, high frustration for way too long... I feel like I'm treading water all the time...

BUT - vacation in 2 wks!! Yeah!  that's the best feeling I've had in a while! but am slightly anxious that I will succumb to my old vacation programming that says I get to eat & drink over-abundantly, & I really want (& need) to lose the 20 lbs I've put on since I've been married (8 yrs June 12)...

I really hate reality - would much rather live in fantasy (sigh)... but when I think about it---- NO! Truth is always better, even though it's often brutal, or boring, or plain, or ugly...

So what I need is much better coping skills (sigh again)... seems to be my Life-long lesson...

I hate whining/complaining - & it looks so melodramatic & ridiculous when I write about it - but that's part of who I am, always presenting the "perfect smiley" me to the world, not letting many ppl know what's going on - old survival skills - scary to let ppl know what's rly going on...

But what the fuck?! I'm going to be 49 in about 5 wks, so I can say whatever I want! LOL - now I feel like a 2yr old having a temper tantrum! - wish we could just feel what we feel, & let the world see it w/o being "punished", know what I mean?!

WOW:  Dare to feel what you need to feel, express it in a safe place and in a safe way...

Love & Light, Enna

~~Namaste'~~

RB & I went to my house to load up some stuff & see how much work there is to do there to get it ready to sell... I get so emotional every time I'm over there! part of me will always be there, no matter who lives there after me... just one of those things... the practical part of me says "it's time": time to finally clear out everything, time to face reality, time to sell... yet a not-so-quiet part of me says "maybe the miracle will come" (the miracle that will allow me to keep the house)... one of my Xangan friends wisely said to release the house to the new owners - good advice!.. so to the New Owners, whoever you are, wherever you are, I release my anxiety and sorrow, knowing that you will cherish & bless this sanctuary as I have blessed and cherished it...

WOW:  To all that is wyse and wonderful out there, surround my house with Love & Light, filling it with energy to draw the rightful owners to it... May It Be So.

Love & Light to you who travel here...

Namaste', Enna

finally got a response ltr frm the place I interviewed... one of those standard-trying-not-t0-look-like-standard ltrs... all of 3 sentences... upshot is they're going to "continue the search"... they could have sent some type of communication earlier... I still think this was poor customr srvc

wish I had unlimited $ so i could have the landscaping of my dreams! there's so much I'd like to do w/ our yard... part of the frustration & challenge, though, besides the lack of funds, is finding a design that pleases RB *and* me! 

a committed relationship is difficult in many areas - for me having to compromise is a major one! but I'm looking at it as a challenge rather than an impossibility... BHG.com has given me lots of ideas, so I need to collate all the stuff in a central area for future reference. 

waiting is so difficult for me!  when I've been thinking/pondering/reflecting on something for a while, and all the elements finally gel, I want to be able to implement it ASAP... and lack of $ stops it time and again!... RB was right when he said the other night that part of my funk could be the lack of $... I didn't rly think so @ the time, but that comment must have have brewing in the back of my mind, cuz here I am verbalizing it (so to speak) for the 1st time... until my house sells, I'm paying the mortgage on it so am unable to put that $ toward my debt, so the orig. pln. we had of my debt being paid off in 3 yrs is out the window... I HATE WHEN STUFF IS OUT OF MY CONTROL!! takes me rt back to my "victim" yrs... at least processing what's going on & how to accept it takes a shorter time than it used to... I need to breathe deep, calm myself, and reflect on the fact that Life is not over b/c of the housing market situation right now, and eventually the house will sell... and the fact that i'm not one of the unfortunate ppl I've been hearing about in the media that absolutely can't pay their mortgage pmts, & their house is being foreclosed...

 Perspective really is key to clear thinking about a perceived problem!  that and objective thinking, something that's not easy to do when emotions are forefront!  that's where you need to be firm & kind w/ yourself by being able to acknowledge the emotions, then gently set them aside & let your problem-solving skills come out... easier said than done I know!

so it's a gorgeous Spring day, and I don't have to go to the office on the weekend, and I am drinking hazelnut coffere, and I can see one of the cats crouching in the bushes (she thinks she's hiding!), and I've been laughing cuz every now & then she'll get goony and bat a stone around then run onto the porch, then back into the bushes... so Life is good at this moment in time & I am savoring it...

WOW:  Find the good in every moment & savor it as much as you can...

Love & Light...

Namaste', Enna