June 2, 2007
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Blah...
"hi...how am I doing? blah, blah, and more blah... LOL... I feel rather jaded with too much lately... plus I feel FAT & it's not fair that the older we get the slower our metabolism gets... any tricks for (legally) hyping up metabolism? and killing the psychological craving to munch?..."
...my response to a Xangan friend inspired this post... I've been low energy, low desire, high frustration for way too long... I feel like I'm treading water all the time...
BUT - vacation in 2 wks!! Yeah! that's the best feeling I've had in a while! but am slightly anxious that I will succumb to my old vacation programming that says I get to eat & drink over-abundantly, & I really want (& need) to lose the 20 lbs I've put on since I've been married (8 yrs June 12)...
I really hate reality - would much rather live in fantasy (sigh)... but when I think about it---- NO! Truth is always better, even though it's often brutal, or boring, or plain, or ugly...
So what I need is much better coping skills (sigh again)... seems to be my Life-long lesson...
I hate whining/complaining - & it looks so melodramatic & ridiculous when I write about it - but that's part of who I am, always presenting the "perfect smiley" me to the world, not letting many ppl know what's going on - old survival skills - scary to let ppl know what's rly going on...
But what the fuck?! I'm going to be 49 in about 5 wks, so I can say whatever I want! LOL - now I feel like a 2yr old having a temper tantrum! - wish we could just feel what we feel, & let the world see it w/o being "punished", know what I mean?!
WOW: Dare to feel what you need to feel, express it in a safe place and in a safe way...
Love & Light, Enna
~~Namaste'~~
Comments (5)
hugs
I can so relate!
i so know how you feel.....i hate the fact that we are constantly judged and scrutinized.....but to heck with it, i whine and throw temper tantrums all the time in my blogs, as i'm sure you have read some of them......i just don't care, i need the outlet, which is why i joined xanga in the first place
(((((hugs)))))
jer~
I completely get this.... I need to blow up and bitch out more than I like but the truth is always better the repressed anger or saddness smoothed over with deceat.
I hope your vacation restores you!
((((((((Enna))))))) Just dropin by with some Xanga luv for ya sweet lady!
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