September 1, 2006
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Huh?
OK, help me out here. To understand, that is. RB and I get back together, it's calm and peaceful and great - up until last night when I get a diatribe from him on how women get to decide when to have sex -- and the men do the majority of everything, i.e. provide most of the $, solve the problems, etc.; and he's done even more because he started planning for his future when he was 18; and if I wouldn't have been "stubborn" when I was 18 and just when to Calvin (College) anyway (even though my dad had abused me & controlled us [the family] and I was fucking sick of him & he wasn't giving me any other college choices so I basically told him what he could do with it), so back to what RB was saying - that if I had just gone to college anyway I would be much more successful in my life, implying that college would have so greatly improved me as a person that I would have not gotten charge-card happy, and done some other things in my life thereby being a much better person today than I am now.... Did you follow all that? So that digression had something to do with me not wanting sex right then, and how he's been patient, and doing all this other stuff for me all along (sacrificing), so why can't I just do stuff for him (sex)? I tried to explain (again!) how sex can't be lumped in to "everything else", but he doesn't buy it. Says the principle's the same, implying that I'm selfish when I don't give him something he wants when he hints around. And let me point out that we talk about sexual things a lot; so how am I supposed to discern when he's hinting he wants sex vs. just talking about sexual stuff? And I've learned over the years, that when RB is going on and on like this, that if I respond, then I'm being "defensive"... So I don't respond and end up being passive-aggressive (slamming doors, saying things under my breath)... And this feels very not fair! He doesn't see my point of view, and I don't see his point of view - and why did he have to wait this long to express dissatisfaction?! When he's behaving like everything's fine, I believe it! I'm NOT a gamey person, so I believe what ppl present! It bothers me that all this anger and disappointment was underneath his pleasant appearance... I know he loves me, and I love him, but I'm scared that all the old crap is surfacing again!
Comments (5)
Hey lady, I identify with this post...fortunately less in this marriage than in previous ones...geez, what is it with men and "hinting"
WHY can't they just say what they want, what is on their minds...etc...why do the indirect, why be obscure...and if you say anything back, or MAKE any effort to understand you are just being difficult, a B. or something...
I Love men...uh, huh...yep, right...please...ok, sometimes, I love men...as the days goes by...those days are fewer and fewer.
Take care.
PS..i had to laugh when I read your living in 2006! HA! oh, and I LOVE Nina Simone. Are you a big ladies singing the blues fan?
hehehe
That all sounds familiar. Been there and did my part no doubt. Now, "I walk alone." I hope she's found a better man.
On the other hand, there are some men who are terribly intimidated by sexually liberated women, who know exactly what they want and when they want it and aren't shy about going after what they want, when they want it. lol
They can't have it both ways.... lol
One would think they would prefer a woman who knows what she wants...yanno?
Heh...what do I know anyway?
Bah!
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Just stopping by to wish you a blessed weekend!
~Namaste~
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