August 19, 2006
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SERIOUSLY...
... wasn't that fun?! (the previous post)... thx magickstar!
So, seriously... my head's kinda in a weird space, hard to describe... it's like I'm internally meditating on some deeper level... wonder what will come of this? perhaps creative writing, or solving a problem, or planning for something... or maybe I'll feel like the essence of Calm/Peace.... hmmmm...
So I had a "talking-to" @ work re: the investigation thing... went much better than expected! they're going to put something in my personnel file, probly that I was held responsible, but I've learned from my mistake, and I know what to do/not do, say/not say in the future. And I typed up a statement that they will attach to the formal thingy in my file. Sooo... maybe this is some of what I'm processing on a deeper level. It's very hard for me to trust, and I've been fucked over enough in the past, work-related and non-work-related, that I immediately go into "they're going to punish me" mode when a mistake is made. So this is new for me. And I want to trust it. But are they really sincere? Will they use this against me, say to not give me a raise this coming January, or in some other way? Will it hurt any chances of promotion or moving to another position in the company? It's good that I'm not worrying/obsessing about it like I did at first. That's not healthy! And I recognized that, and worked at turning it into something positive: that OK, I fucked up, it's done, I won't do it again, and I have no control over what they're going to do to me. It's taken me many years to be able to process stuff and get to an OK place in my head within a relatively short period of time (24 hours). Stuff like this used to effect me weeks @ a time! And then I'd slip into self-harming behaviors (dontcha love the psychobabble?!) I consumed a lot of chocolate lately, so I guess some ppl would consider that self-harming, but among all the "bad" things I could've done to comfort myself & get immediate pleasure/gratification, I thought it was an excellent choice! Yummm....
I'm loving the weather right now: it's warm, misty, and slightly foggy... looks very ethereal... Love it when real life imitates fantasy-land!
WOW: Love yourself, forgive yourself, enjoy yourself.
Love and Light...
Namaste', Enna
Comments (6)
Sounds like the work thing may work out ok. My job has the people with their own agenda who are always hatching some kind of plan. But, over the years, I've learned to deal with that in ways that don't harm me or them. Sometimes my friends think I don't see something coming, but actually, going with the flow and paying attention in the moment serve very well at work. At least for me anyway.
Its nice to be included once in a while. I rarely get invited to parties. I usually have to have the party here and invite people.
ryc - Your welcome. Thanks for the invite to the party.
Isn't that the truth...learn from your mistakes....and move on...lol. The chocolate thing will pass and it isn't that bad....it does release the same chemicals in your brain as sex....just something to think about....lol
Bright blessings,
Greetings Enna!
How are you dear sister?
Loving myself, & forgiving myself is not something I've been doing very well lately.
I hope that life is treating you well sister and that you have a blessed weekend.
Blessings of Love, Laughter and Happiness to you!
)0(
CrimsonWings (A Goddess in the making!)...A Continuous work in progress!
Glad you liked the jokes on my site...hehe!
I hope everything works out for you at work sweetie. I'll be praying for you.
Shabbot Shalom~
Star*
I'm really looking forward to retiring and not dealing with work at all any more... yeah i know I'm only 25... but there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel
Just checking in to see how you are feeling, things evening out at work?
Blessings my friend!
jer~
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